Bangladesh / Moria / Athens: The incredible story of transgender refugee Ovileya Myrah
My childhood was a nightmare, I don’t have the slightest sweet memory, I don’t wish anyone to experience what I experienced. I hate my past, but I can’t erase it because it’s part of me. But I can now use it, as a mechanism, to become stronger every day. I was born in Khulna, but grew up in Dhaka, in a conservative middle class family. I have a brother and a sister. I never had the opportunity to explore my identity, myself. Bullying from my classmates made me believe from a young age, from the age of 6 when I went to school, that I am not a normal person. I felt, I was a girl, but I didn’t know, because of the ignorance and lack of communication that existed, that who I was, who I am, that what I feel has value. By the time I was 8, I was confident. I became sure when I stole my mom’s sari – I went to the bathroom at night, put it on, put on some lipstick. I felt so good! That was the first picture of the real me that I’ve ever kept. Then I said, “Fuck, this is me, this is what I should have been like all along.”
– In Bangladeshi society I could never be myself, but unfortunately that was not the only limitation. The older I got, the more bullying I received at school. One day I reacted, I responded to them, a huge fight broke out and I got hit in the head; I got seven stitches. When I came home and told my parents what had happened, my father accused me of provoking them “with my strange behaviour”. My father’s punishment was to beat me on my feet so that I would hurt, remember the pain and “walk like a man.”
I spent eight months in Moria, at first in a tent. I slept huddled in five jackets. When it snowed, they removed the tents and brought in the containers. I was in a plastic box with 11 other Pakistanis. There the bullying went on every day.
– The children had to go to the mosque every day, very early in the morning, to learn the Quran. The imam was constantly harassing me. He would find excuses to keep me longer to clean the place – generally, we were told that if we took care of the Imam, we would go to heaven. All of this, what harassment and sexual abuse means, I’m finding out now, back then we didn’t know what it was, no one was teaching us. It wasn’t just me of course, 90% of children are subjected to some kind of harassment in the madrasas, as in Italy, in Catholic education. They are predators, these priests.
– That’s how I grew up. At 15 I was raped twice by my classmates and had to quit school without finishing. I was in love with a boy older than me. He had understood, but of course such a thing is considered a sin. It’s okay to have sex, but it’s a sin to have a relationship with a boy, to hold his hand. He invited me to his house, he told me it was his birthday. I was so happy, I felt for the first time that I could have friends too. When I arrived, his parents were away, he was alone with two other friends. I asked them “where is the party” and they said “on the roof, we’ll be there in a bit”. I remember them locking the door to the room and putting porn on the computer. I started shaking, I knew something was going to happen. They tied me up, gagged me and serially raped me. I was bleeding, I ran a fever, I had to tell my mom what had happened. She took me to the hospital. They had videotaped the rape and blackmailed me into going back. They raped me again. We went to the police, they refused to give a statement because it was a sin and would ruin my family’s name. The father of one of the rapists is a politician and my family started receiving threats. That’s when I made my first suicide attempt. I survived and decided that I had to leave the country to survive. All alone, at the age of 19. I couldn’t imagine what would follow.
– I took a plane with expenses covered by my mum and found myself in Istanbul. My mother is a typical housewife and had no choice, she could not defend me or protect me from my father. There was a community of Bengalis there who spoke my language and knew my mum’s family – they were living there then, now they have returned to Bangladesh. I knew someone would come to pick me up. I followed them, felt comfortable because of the language and eventually found myself locked in a room. I was kidnapped for 22 days. I was sexually abused, I had to do things against my will, I was raped, I was groomed for sex trafficking. I managed to escape with the help of one of them and ended up on a boat with 65 other people. The first time there was pushback, but eventually we made it to Lesvos. The volunteers rescued us and the police led us to the camp. And that’s how I arrived in Moria in December 2016. There another chapter began, a new nightmare.
– I spent eight months in Moria, at first in a tent. I slept huddled in five jackets. When it snowed, they removed the tents and brought in the containers. I was in a plastic box with 11 other Pakistanis. There the bullying continued daily. In our cultures, a boy ought to behave like a boy. If he is more feminine, it is very easy to be abused or even sexually harassed. I couldn’t sleep, I was afraid I would be attacked and raped. I would fall asleep during the day, in the woods. At some point, at six months, I fainted, I lost consciousness. My health was not in good shape – the sanitary conditions were miserable – I was taken to the hospital. I was having panic attacks, I was trying to self-harm again, I was told that I needed to start psychotherapy.
– Later I started working as a dishwasher in a restaurant in Mytilene. That’s how I made my first circle of friends who helped me find the doctor who would follow me during my exile. But I had to wait for my papers to be issued, to get asylum, to get an AMKA – all this bureaucracy took a long time. My asylum application was initially rejected. They didn’t believe me. And of course I had to come to Athens somehow. Friends helped me get a ticket with donations, they packed me clothes, and when I got here, I had to get a psychiatrist’s certification to start hormones. On May 10, 2018 I started hormone therapy, I remember the date, I keep it as my second birthday. I was legally helped by HIAS, they found me a lawyer who supported me tremendously and I eventually became the first immigrant woman who was able to change her name and gender identity on paper when Legal Gender Identity Recognition passed.
– In 2019 I moved permanently to Athens and started working as an interpreter at the asylum services. I slowly became independent and rented my own apartment, which I have made beautiful! I always wanted a house of my own, and I made it. Since I changed my papers, it’s easier, I haven’t had any problems finding a home. At first they refused to rent to me because of my background. I was also frequently commuting back and forth to Thessaloniki for work, until 2022. From January 2023 until today I have been working at Médecins Sans Frontières as an interpreter from Bengali, Hindi and Urdu into English. Until now I didn’t want to speak in the media and be seen in the activist part because I waited until I felt myself first, ready to be ready so I could do it.
– There are some LGBTQ+ organisations in Bangladesh that have started to operate, trying to help, but they have no support from the government and education. They don’t have Pride either, it’s a very conservative society. One of my dreams is to go back to Bangladesh someday and work in one of these structures, a shelter for transgender teenage children. Most of them are driven out of their homes and end up in the hijra community. There is a person there who acts as a guru and provides them with shelter, shelter and some education, helps them with hormone therapy and their medical needs. In return, they are trained as street dancers, jesters and beggars, and the guru gets rich. To me, these communities are literally a form of slavery.
– For a long time I was looking for extra work in a restaurant or a café, but they wouldn’t take me because I didn’t speak good Greek; I could only get a lanza. They immediately categorize you and immediately assign you to certain positions if you are an immigrant. They think that because you come from a poor country you don’t have an education and you can’t do much. People like to use whatever power they have and that has to stop – not just in Greece, everywhere. I learned English here, I’m continuing school and I want to live my life with dignity. Now I also started working at Shamone, in Gazi, and I love it there. So on Mondays and Tuesdays I work at the Doctors and on Fridays and Saturdays at Shamone. I’m looking for a third job, I still have two days free a week. I need money to complete my tribal migration. For a long time people have only taken from me. Now I’m trying to earn things too, to feel like I have a place, that I belong in this world. I’m done compromising, no more bullshit, no one will ever be able to make me compromise again. That’s my motivation.
– The government and the relevant ministries of Immigration and Health need to pay more attention to the dual minorities who are terribly vulnerable, provide them with proper shelter. They need it! Every refugee and migrant deserves a safe haven, not a camp and a tent, let alone LGBTQ+ refugees. I believe I would be much better off psychologically if I had not experienced the eight months in Moria. When I got there I didn’t know where I was and what would happen to me. I needed to hear from someone that I was safe, that I would be able to live as myself. Don’t exclude refugees and migrants from health services and education. Help us, give us a hand and you will see that we can change the world.
– I was so pleased to be invited to Upfront (LiFO and Tsomokos’ annual conference on inclusion in the workplace, held on 14 March at the Athens Conservatory). Who would have thought that from a stage in Moria I would find myself speaking in front of such important people. I was so touched that Ms Natalia Germano spoke about me both on stage and afterwards on her show. And I really wanted to meet Eleni Foureira as well, I wanted to take a selfie with her, but I had to leave early. She is so supportive of all minorities, like Lady Gaga. The war, the refugee, is known to a lot of people. But most people don’t know what it means to be a trans person in a country like Bangladesh. If I had been born here and rejected by my family, I would have found support in my chosen family. If I lived there, I couldn’t even imagine having a life like the one I made here. I’m 28 years old and before I became the independent woman I am now I made three suicide attempts.
– I would like to explain to the Prime Minister and all the politicians at the conference how important it is to finally establish a public gender identity clinic in Athens and have branches on the islands. These clinics are not just for trans people, they are for the care of all LGBTQ+ people. There are only two endocrinologists who specialize in hormone therapy for trans people – it’s not fair! To get an appointment you have to wait months and, of course, pay. And of course it takes tremendous courage to go to a public hospital and receive all those prying eyes. Trans rights are human rights.
– Our daily lives are filled with stereotypes that have been created over centuries by religion and society, traditions, and family. Let everyone think that I could be your child. I could have been born into the Prime Minister’s family. Ok, I would have had different privileges, I might have grown up in America, but it is good to take ourselves out of our safety zone. Why did what happened in Thessaloniki, in Aristotelous Square, happen? Because of a lack of education. It all starts in the family, and hell for every trans, for every LGBTQ+ person always starts at school. Teach children how to be good people and respect other people. That’s a start.
– I don’t want to compare my experience to any other trans experience, but I would love to have a family with children. I model myself after my mom, I’d like to make breakfast for my kids too. It’s very difficult unfortunately. I get approached by men, they ask me out, and while at first they usually say it’s ok that I’m a trans woman, along the way all this trans identity fetishization comes out and they see me as meat. I’ve been disgusted many times. If someone approaches me and says they want to know, I’m very ok with explaining about me. I’ve been on my own for the last four years.
– Until now I have not had LGBTQ+ people from the local community in my circle. I didn’t feel part of it. I would also like to tell these people to be more open to LGBTQ+ immigrants and refugees. We have no one here but each other. I have now made Athens my home, this is where I was born again, this is where I will stay, I don’t want to go anywhere else. I will fight and see where it takes me.
Warning: This text contains descriptions of sexual abuse and self-harm. If you are a survivor of rape, sexual harassment or trafficking, or if you are a female survivor of any of the above, call the National SOS Line for help and counselling: 15900. You can also email sos15900@isotita.gr. If you are contemplating suicide, are concerned about someone close to you, or have lost someone close to you, you can contact the 24-hour Suicide Intervention Hotline 1018. You can also contact to seek help or counseling at help@suicide-help.gr
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This article was published in the print LiFO.